Does having kids make you happier? It’s a question that’s been debated endlessly in research. What’s far clearer is that parenting is more intense than ever.
In fact, the U.S. Surgeon General recently issued a rare warning about parental stress, emphasizing the need to find ways to ease it. While you might not have full control over your children’s success or happiness, there are plenty of simple routines that invite more lightness and joy into your everyday routines – helping the whole family feel less pressed and more connected.
But before exploring new rituals, it’s important to set the right tone for yourself, says Gretchen Rubin, bestselling author of The Happiness Project and Happier at Home.
As Rubin, who is famously credited with coining the phrase “the days are long, but the years are short,” points out, finding joy in family life requires energy and presence. “If you’re chronically underslept or rushing through the day, it’s hard to create those tender, lighthearted traditions,” she says.
A small change – like adjusting your bedtime or waking up a little earlier – can help you start the day with more calm before the morning rush begins.
Here are a few ways to make daily family routines less about work and more about play, according to happiness and parenting experts:
Start your day with a snuggle
A morning cuddle can work wonders, says Jennifer Kolari, family therapist, parenting coach and author of Connected Parenting. “Joy, love, and connection are actually medicine,” she says. This kind of bonding releases oxytocin and endorphins, which she likens to emotional nutrition. While many parents may stress over finding the perfect tutors or enrolling their kids in the best programs and schools, Kolari says that “what kids need more than anything else, aside from food and water, is this.”
Sing in the morning
One simple way to infuse lightness into your mornings is through music – especially singing, says Rubin. “If you’re singing or someone else is singing, it’s much harder to be crabby.” Rubin fondly recalls her father singing in the shower near her bedroom as one of her happiest childhood memories.
Another fun idea? Use music as a timer to help keep everyone on track. When a certain song plays, it’s time to sit down for breakfast or start getting dressed. Even better, have your children help choose the songs.
Make hellos and goodbyes count
One of the easiest yet most powerful ways to bring warmth into your family’s daily life, says Rubin, is by giving warm greetings and farewells to everyone as they come and go. “This is the easiest thing to do, and at least in my own family, is actually the thing that has made the hugest difference.”
It’s not just about calling out a quick “hello” from another room – it means physically getting up, giving a hug or a kiss, and making sure your kid (or partner) knows you’re present. It’s a small gesture, but it creates a sense of connection and tenderness that can have a lasting impact.
“This is why people love their dogs,” she adds. “It’s because they’re so excited to see you, and then they look longingly out the window when you leave. It’s this little thing.”
Try ‘baby play’ and adrenaline games
‘Baby play’ involves those tender, quiet moments where you hold your child’s face, look into their eyes, and share a loving thought or story about them when they were younger, says Kolari. Just a few minutes of this each day can make a child feel truly connected and valued.
On the other hand, daily adrenaline-type play brings out the high-energy fun – like tag or hide and seek. “This is a really important one, especially if you have sassy, kind of feisty, high-energy kids or ADHD kids,” adds Kolari.
These playful, fast-paced games not only spark joy and laughter but also help kids burn off excess energy and ease cranky moods.
Wind down with bedtime bliss
The evening is great for less rambunctious, more peaceful ways to connect. Rubin suggests reading aloud together, whether you’re reading to your child or vice versa. “There’s just so much amazing children’s literature that you can really find books that you as an adult can appreciate and enjoy just as much as a child would like.”
Incorporating other bedtime practices with a favourite stuffie or special prop like a flameless candle the kids decorate and “blow out” can add a joyful touch, says Kolari. “Kids love rituals. They love reverence.”
Ending the day with a song or a quick gratitude moment – like sharing what you loved about the day – reinforces the value of daily routines, turning even the most tired moments into something lighter and happier.
