Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!”
(Matthew 18:21-22)
This seems impossible and maybe even silly. Why would we forgive someone who continually hurts us? That seems like insanity. To understand this, we need to know what forgiveness is not. It does not mean what the person did was okay.
It does not mean we keep the person from being disciplined or punished. It does not mean we need to trust them or be their friend. It also doesn’t mean we keep putting ourselves in harm’s way. Forgiveness is about freedom. Our freedom. When we refuse to forgive, we lock ourselves up from growing. Our hearts get harder and harder as we mull over and fixate on the wrong done against us and wish vengeance on the other person.
Unforgiveness prevents us from living now.
In a Harvard Medical School article Dr. Tyler VanderWeele says, “…when you learn to forgive, you are no longer trapped by the past actions of others and can finally feel free.” One of the main goals in life should be to grow up in our maturity, which means that our capacity to love others will increase. When we refuse to forgive others, we may think we are doing them harm, but we are hurting ourselves. The essence of forgiveness in a practical sense, Dr. VanderWeele says, is that “You no longer wish bad things to happen to that individual.”
That is relatively simple. The harder thing to do, he said, is to emotionally forgive. That will take hard work, time, and perhaps counseling. Freedom is worth the effort.
