The 14 women sit at tables arranged in a square. They come from a variety of backgrounds, some from different communities, but there is one common thread that binds them - they are all mothers or grandmothers of addicts.
Their individual stories might be different, but when one speaks of her experiences struggling to find help for her drug-addicted son, the others nod and look on with eyes that have seen the same pain.
The 12 mothers and two grandmothers met at the Little House in Tsawwassen for two Saturdays recently as the Little House Society presented its second installment of the Heart of a Mother workshop.
The society first presented the seminar in the spring of last year.
"Having this resource is hope," says Barbara (real names not used in this story), who just that week came to the realization she had to ask her son to move out of her Tsawwassen home.
He is addicted to crack cocaine and while he's been in and out of recovery over the years, the 27-year-old is using again.
He started drinking and using drugs at a young age and by 15 he was an addict.
"I knew I had to tell my son he had to move out," she says with tears in her eyes.
It's been a rough week. It's Saturday. He left on Tuesday and she doesn't know where he is, what he's doing or if he's safe.
Addiction is not unfamiliar territory for the mother and grandmother. She's had many other family members fall victim to the disease but with her son it's different.
"When it's your child, it's 100 times harder," she says.
By nature, mothers do whatever they can to protect their children, make their path through life a little easier and worry about their health and well being.
Mothers with children struggling with a dependency on drugs or alcohol are no different but the pain and stress they feel from the constant worry and not being able to "fix" their child's problem is overwhelming.
Ellen knows that stress all too well. She was one of two mothers who travelled from Vancouver Island to take part in the Heart of a Mother workshops.
Her 20-year-old son is addicted to crack. He also started using and abusing drugs and alcohol at a young age. She says he first started using at 11 and by 13 was blacking out. He recently agreed to seek help, entered treatment two weeks ago, but it took eight years to get there.
The stress started to affect Ellen physically.
"The last two weeks have been like two years because he's been safe," she says. "I found my life back and my heart stopped palpitating. I was under tremendous stress."
Alana also felt the physical effects of the stress she has endured due to her son's addiction.
"I ended up with breast cancer last year and it's not in my family," she says, "and I believe it's totally related to the stress I've been going through over the past six years. It just feels like it should never have happened."
Her youngest son has been struggling with addiction for the past six years.
"It [the cancer diagnosis] was just an indicator that this is not going well," she says.
Alana also travelled from her home on Vancouver Island to attend the Heart of a Mother sessions at Little House. Both her and Ellen say they wish their own communities had a similar resource available.
"Places like this don't exist anywhere in Victoria and it's really sad that they don't because it's been about eight years of struggling to find somewhere to get him help," Ellen says. "You can't just walk in off the street in Victoria and see something like this."
While the Little House doesn't offer treatment for people struggling with substance abuse and addiction, it does host a number of support group meetings, as well as resources and education for people looking for help.
Little House Society president Jim Stimson says the group has several aims: to offer a helping hand to addicts and those in recovery, support for families, as well as education to help prevent the problem before it begins.
"People do not understand how this abuse/addiction issue tears apart every single thread in the seams of family togetherness," he says. "It just destroys every seam."
Little House, through sessions like Heart of a Mother, is trying to offer the tools to help repair, or prevent, some of the devastation.
Stimson says the decision was made to offer the second round of Heart of a Mother seminars because the society was receiving requests for it from mothers in the community. Little House has decided to offer the workshops quarterly and is also looking at offering similar programs for other family members.
Barbara says she does not know what the future holds for her son, but the sessions have brought her hope and helped start the healing process. She says she feels like she will be better able to handle whatever hap-pens.
"I feel like I'm going home with a toolbox," she says.
For Ellen, the sessions have helped bring her a newfound strength to take on the next leg of the journey as her son enters treatment.
"I could never take on the letting go that I'm about to do and the letting go that I've done in the last little while without the support and without the direction."
The strong bond between the mothers is obvious after just two sessions together. They agree that sharing and being around other people, who are in the same position and have been through similar experiences, has been healing.
That support between the mothers is critical, Stimson says.
"It was so powerfully healing for me in there and the depth of feeling that people gave. Enlightenment. There was so much happening in there," Nancy says of the sessions.
A single mom from Tsawwassen, Nancy's 27-year-old son is a recovering meth addict. His problems began early with marijuana.
"When he was 11, I didn't see that he was smoking dope," she says. "I just thought with the complexity of his learning disability it was getting more stressful at school, and I didn't catch it," she says through tears.
Catherine, who just found out in the spring that her 24-year-old son was dealing with a cocaine addiction, says she's found hope through the Little House.
She says the news of her son's addiction was a complete surprise and the family had no idea where to go for help.
Her son attends support group meetings there and, she says, she found the two-day workshop "astounding" educationally and emotionally
"This was a much needed education for helping me help myself through this," says the Ladner resident.
For more information about the Little House visit www.littlehousesociety.ca.
THE HEART OF THIS MOTHER
The heart of this mother is heavy The heart of this mother is weeping She surrendered her son unto God And into His hands for the keeping
She knows not where he is going Or if safety will be his friend Still she helps him carry his things down the hall
With no guarantee as to how it will end
His room and their hearts are just empty
And he just wants to linger awhile He knows he must go and she wants to give in
It's a reach down deep for a smile
They both try to be strong while aching inside
As they hug at the kitchen door No survivors today, their all washed away
By the tears that cover the floor
This surrender is hard As she completely lets go Detaches, sets her boundaries Gives up all control
She knows that it's time In fact, long overdue He must choose his own path And so she must too
She just needs to love him And learn all she can Get out of the way Let him be his own man
The heart of this mother is grateful That in her community resides A "Little House" of recovery Where healing and hope abides
By anonymous workshop participant
