Tis the season. I know this because the trees are up, the holly is hung and the ugly sweaters are everywhere.
It's true. At one time, the harbingers of Christmas did not include ugly sweaters - or, as far as I can recall, any other article of clothing, attractive or otherwise.
We knew Christmas was coming because the calendar said December and because the malls began to play Jingle Bell Rock and because the supermarkets began to sell fruit cake and candy canes.
Then something changed. Somewhere, someone with a curious sense of humour decided that nothing said Christmas like an ugly sweater party. And so the tradition began.
I have never been to one. My sons, however, have been to many an ugly sweater party. Many of my friends and work colleagues have also been to ugly sweater parties.
Not so with me. I have yet to be on the invite list for an ugly sweater party, and I can only assume this is because (1) I am not in the ugly sweater party age demographic, or (2) I am regarded as someone who does not own, or wear, really, really, really ugly clothes.
Never mind. If ever I was invited, I'd no doubt wonder how to proceed. My drawers, after all, are filled with sweaters that I would describe as perfectly acceptable. In other words, I have not made a habit out of buying sweaters with sequined pictures of purple bunnies.
So what to do? Well, I imagine I'd do what most people do, which is to make haste for the closest thrift shop or bargain store and exchange hard-earned money for some ghastly knitted thing that would be worn once and then donated, well, to the thrift shop.
I do not understand, however, why ugly is confined to sweaters.
Heaven knows there are plenty of ugly shoes out there. Why not an ugly shoe party? Or an ugly hair party? Or an ugly pajama party?
Were there such a thing as an ugly earring party, I'd be rarin' to go. My jewelry box, after all, is filled with all manner of hideous earrings, many of which date back four decades or more when it was accepted that plastic was king.
Same with ugly glasses. For reasons I can't explain, I still have those glasses I wore when I was half my age. The frames are pink and the lenses are tinted.
Let's just say they ain't pretty.
There's nothing stopping me, I suppose, from being proactive and organizing an ugly get-together. Heck, I don't need to wait for an invitation to an ugly sweater party.
I can plan a gathering of my own, and ask the guests to show up wearing their ugly earrings, ugly glasses and ugly pajamas.
As a matter of fact, that Christmas gathering sounds like a blast.
